Two Different Childhoods
I come from Vietnam, a country suffering from many wars. We have had a free country since 1945. However, 1945 was the time when my father was born. This is the reason why my childhood is different from my father's ; the difference consists of nutrition, entertainment, education and communication.
First, I really had good nutrition and perfect health care. I drank milk and ate good food every day. I was also taken to the hospital whenever I was sick. In contrast, my father lived in a poor condition. He had to eat "bo bo", which is a kind of grain which is very difficult to eat, instead of rice. When he was sick, he just went to bed and waited for recovery. Some children like him had to die in that time because of serious sickness.
Second, I had quite a few choices for entertainment and recreation. Whenever I was depressed, I could play video games or use the internet to surf the net, read the news, etc. Besides, I was able to listen to music on my CD player or watch TV . In addition, going to the cinema is one of my favorite interests. I also loved to watch comics and used to have a huge collection of comics on my own. On the other hand, my father had only a few selections for entertainment. He just played some traditional games such as hide-and-seek, "o an quan", soccer, "lo co", playing kite, etc. He said that in the evening, he often sat next to his grandma and had been told many fairy tales .
Third, I was received a good standard of education. My house is quite near schools, therefore, I could go to school every day and get high school diploma. I even studied abroad. The notebooks I used were new and white. I didn't have only a scientific calculator but also a laptop for my study. My parents really counted on me. Unfortunately, when my father was young, his house was very far from high school. Therefore, he just studied until grade 6. The paper he used was yellow and very hard to read. He had to use anything to practice counting such as rocks, fingers, leaves, etc.
Finally, I was capable of contacting with other people easily. If I wanted to talk to someone, I would make a phone call to him or her. We also used email or blog instead of regular mail. Especially, I even talked with the person who was on the other half of the earth. In contrast, my father lived in out-of-date facility. If he wanted to contact someone, he would mail to him or her and waited for 2 or 3 weeks . Talking with people who were on the other half of the Earth was absolutely impossible at that time.
It seems I had a childhood that was better than my father's. I have to try my best to study and help my parents someday.First, I really had good nutrition and perfect health care. I drank milk and ate good food every day. I was also taken to the hospital whenever I was sick. In contrast, my father lived in a poor condition. He had to eat "bo bo", which is a kind of grain which is very difficult to eat, instead of rice. When he was sick, he just went to bed and waited for recovery. Some children like him had to die in that time because of serious sickness.
Second, I had quite a few choices for entertainment and recreation. Whenever I was depressed, I could play video games or use the internet to surf the net, read the news, etc. Besides, I was able to listen to music on my CD player or watch TV . In addition, going to the cinema is one of my favorite interests. I also loved to watch comics and used to have a huge collection of comics on my own. On the other hand, my father had only a few selections for entertainment. He just played some traditional games such as hide-and-seek, "o an quan", soccer, "lo co", playing kite, etc. He said that in the evening, he often sat next to his grandma and had been told many fairy tales .
Third, I was received a good standard of education. My house is quite near schools, therefore, I could go to school every day and get high school diploma. I even studied abroad. The notebooks I used were new and white. I didn't have only a scientific calculator but also a laptop for my study. My parents really counted on me. Unfortunately, when my father was young, his house was very far from high school. Therefore, he just studied until grade 6. The paper he used was yellow and very hard to read. He had to use anything to practice counting such as rocks, fingers, leaves, etc.
Finally, I was capable of contacting with other people easily. If I wanted to talk to someone, I would make a phone call to him or her. We also used email or blog instead of regular mail. Especially, I even talked with the person who was on the other half of the earth. In contrast, my father lived in out-of-date facility. If he wanted to contact someone, he would mail to him or her and waited for 2 or 3 weeks . Talking with people who were on the other half of the Earth was absolutely impossible at that time.
2 comments:
Tuan – Great work on your rewrite! You really added some nice complexity, you added great new supporting points, and you did a good job with the corrections I gave you. Also, that’s wonderful that you attached a picture! I really appreciate your effort although the assignment is late. Since you made a lot of corrections, I have a lot more grammar notes for you!
Some more grammar notes:
-“I was drunk milk and eaten good food every day”. This is the passive voice and doesn’t make sense because you are doing the action. You need to keep it in past tense.
-“instead of rice, WHICH is main food in Vietnam.” Non-restrictive clause (adding extra info)
-“Meanwhile, "bo bo" is a kind of grain which is very difficult to eat.” (“Meanwhile” is used to talk about two actions going on at the same time and doesn’t make sense here.)
-“when he WAS sick…”
-“I was able to listen to music on my CD player or WATCH TV . (was able to listen or able to watch- both verbs go with “was able to” and need to be in the simple form)
-“ON the other hand”
-“I was received a good…” Don’t use passive. -> “I received…”
-“My house is quite near schools, I could go to school every day and get high school diploma.” This is a comma splice. You need a conjunction after the comma.
-“I was even studied abroad.” Again don’t use passive voice (no “was”).
-“he just studied grade 6.” Do you mean, “studied UNTIL grade 6”?
-don’t capitalize “earth”.
-“contacting with other people” -No “with”.
-“try my best for study” –“TO study, not “for”
What is new in this version?
- Fixed some another bugs.
Thank Mrs.Vibrance for pointing out my mistakes :)
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